I hear you Sara! It's so hard when there's nothing to do and it's even harder when it feels as if there's nothing you
can do. Keeping busy is an important coping strategy for me but I find it so very difficult to balance my own expectations of what I should and what I shouldn't get done in a day. Having too much to do can almost be worse sometimes.
I think it's good to have done at least one constructive thing every day. Exercise is a very positive thing to do. For me, it's always had the side effect that I feel like I'm doing something towards my own recovery ... and of course it helps you to feel almost instantly less depressed. When I'm out running I feel alive and at least part of the human race, if not part of the 'rat race'! I also feel as if I'm runnimg today in the hope that I may be able to work tomorrow. I know that not everyone can exercise when anxious and I've ran when every part of my body was saying 'noooooooo .... it will kill you .... or you will lose the plot!'
I'm not so bad these days but I used to obsess about my Hifi. Actually, it did get a bit out of hand but was very useful when I felt so bad that I didn't think I could carry on. Some nights I had nothing else to keep me going except the thoughts of the next 'tweak' or the postie bringing me some new components form Ebay. Sad, I know but whatever gets you through the bad times.
This website grew out of my idle hands. I felt desperate and useless and anxious and bored. I'd always fancied learning how websites are made and I tried until it just worked! I'm now teaching myself web design. All this grew out of me not being able to work so there are positives I guess.
Have you ever considered voluntary work? That's where I'm heading I think. You get to do some really worthwhile stuff, improve your skills and get 'out there' without the usual pressures that you get with paid work. There are plenty of online learning websites to pick up a new skill .... maybe this could be achance to change you carrer direction or add or enhance your existing skills?
One last thing .... Working does not make anyone better than you. It
might just be a sign that they're healthier than you but not a happier or better person than you. How would they cope if they felt like you?
Best wishes,
Martin.
