A small success

[Sasha]

A small success

Hello again. Sorry again that I haven?t been able to get to the meet ups. I keep intending to.

I had a success today which I thought might be of use to people.

I suffer from social anxiety. Mainly with sort of formal situations. I work in an office and the meetings can be excruciating. I?ve had this for around 15 years and have used Beta Blockers. When I started on the BBs I thought they were a magic cure but the down side was very?um down?see other posting.

So, at the moment I try to avoid BBs bit resort to them in stressful situations.

A while back I did something called The Hoffman Process. This is not just for social anxiety but is based  on the idea that we learn patterns of behaviour when we?re young and we repeat them. The anxiety being a pattern.

During the process they take you through a lot of  techniques that some of you are probably aware of already. Visualisation etc.

Anyway. That process sort of drew a line and I have been trying to make changes.

Today I had to go to a meeting with the directors of a company. CEO, CIO and CFO. I had to tell them some stuff that they were doing wrong. This is what normally is impossible for me without a beta blocker. (God knows how I ended up doing this for a living!!!!)

So today I decided. I was not going to touch the BBs. I did the breathing and the visualising etc. I nearly bottled out a couple of times. But in I walked and I know I appeared nervous but I decided it?s OK to appear a bit nervous. Many people would. Each time a wave of anxiety started up I recognised it and continued. I was stopped and questioned and I thought that would be when I would fall apart. But, although, I may have occurred a bit stiff at time I warmed to the subject and carried on.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!! I ****ing got through it!

Two observations that I hope may be of use to others:

One reason I didn?t take a BB at the last moment was a conscious decision that I do not want to be like this any more. If I fail and collapse then that is what is going to happen but it?s better than using BBs just to be able to work.

Another thing was that it wasn?t as bad as I dreaded. Over the past 15 years I have built the whole thing up into a phobia. But I started remembering that I used to be able to handle this sort of thing. Not brilliantly. So that?s what I did today. Sometimes I appeared nervous and other times I appeared confident. I was never a star speaker but I got through it in a nervous sort of way.




I?m now hoping that this will ort of stick in my mind so I can do it again.

I hope to get to one of the meets soon.

Cheers all. 


P.S. - Haha - I see you're blockign out swearing. Good idea!

[Slimboy Jim]

Well done dude. Small or big steps, it doesn't matter, it's all still forward movement. Hope you can pop into a meet soon. 

[zube]

yeah! well done. small steps are the best sometimes, the hardest to take but you did the first one of many im sure.

[interloper]

That's amazing Sasha, I'm really pleased for you. Sounds like a big step on from your A typical incident post.

I've not heard of The Hoffman Process, but I am well aware of Behavioral Patterns, and how easily adopted they are, by everyone, not just us anxious folk. Knowing this stuff is one thing but having the confidence to put these techniques into action is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. And yes, fear is the real enemy, because it's never as bad as we imagine it.

Keep it up. Well done. 

[Sasha]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.

[Noisy]

Wow Sasha! Sounds like amazing progress.
We've all tried to change our patterns with will power alone but it seems like you've also found some genuine belief in yourself and that is priceless.

Long may it continue! 

[Dreaming]

wow sasha! that is amaaaaazing! well done you. i have the same issue in meetings, i get myself into such a state! you are an inspiration!

[dtrotter]

I feel amazing with you, there's a huge courage here to change your pattern, and get out of the comfort zone, do something different !!

[stresspuppy]

Hi Sasha, I'm a newbie and so happily trawling through the forum to get aquainted, hence the late post! Congratulations on achieving the meeting without BBs assistance. Hope you've been managing to build on that success and deal okay with any potential setbacks. I hate taking meds but do so as a necessary and one of my goals is to get off them as soon as I'm happier/more stable. I liked the observations you shared, they're things that I think about lots:

1) The conscious decision you made to make a change and take the risk*of any negative consequences without BBs - a true and brave step forward 

2) The way we can tend to build things up into bigger phobias - often it's not the doing of the task/deed that's difficult it's the fear and pre-emptive thinking about it so much that adds fuel to the fire.

I've not heard of the Hoffman process and I guess any techniques that work for the individual to change negative patterns is worth exploring  .

* take the risk - there's a really cool poem/writing about risk - life is a risk, to laugh is to risk etc etc - will do a google search and post it in general discussion once found.

[stresspuppy]

The poem is called 'To risk' by William Arthur Ward and i've posted it in chatterbox with a weblink to view. I like it