Autobiography in five short chapters - by Portia Nelson

[stresspuppy]

Dear BAFers, something to give hope during the journey - although not sure about the last two lines in chapter III...


AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

[ghost of mr bob]

Nice poem stresspuppy but what's your problem with holes? 

This is the typical anti-hole propaganda that we've come to expect. Holes have many positive uses, just ask any rabbit!

It is not the hole we are trying to avoid, it is the falling down. The poem actually advocates five stages of denial. I would suggest it is a good argument for carrying a ladder and a torch at all times. 

[stresspuppy]

Nice reply Ghost of Mr Bob  and Yes, I agree about the denial aspect in the poem and as the pattern repeats we question how and why it repeats - bad luck, chance, ours and/or others behaviours? I don't feel the word 'fault' mentioned in Chapter III is a good word, semantically it sounds too negative, as if someone in that situation is flawed or damaged rather than just being human. I prefer the eventual learned ownership of responsibility for being somewhere.

I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.

I interpret it as a poem with a hopeful message, learning from experience and as we all have the potential to change there is hope. Guess that's your torch and ladder?   

P.S. No problem with holes - I'm a big fan 

[Noisy]

I'm glad that you guys can remain civil about this. I'd hate to see a hole-y war!  

....... I'll get me coat.  

Oh, but before I go, I was feeling a bit low today and the poem helped me to see the beginning of a familiar negative cycle. Just being aware of it seemed to help me to avoid the downward spiral.

Martin. 

[ghost of mr bob]

That joke was so painful Martin, I felt like I'd just fallen down a hole! 

I liked the poem too but I thought I'd be a bit subversive. If you can't subvert a poem what can you subvert? I think poems and songs are wonderful ways to express difficult issues, in metaphor they work at different levels. I loved the "children learn what they live" poem you posted stresspuppy.

The winning thing (IMHO) about this poem is it is titled "autobiography...". That is very important as it suggests life experience rather than a lesson by metaphor. Never the less the poem is written as a parable and therefore has religious overtones as is the sense of individual responsibility. As it is called an autobiography I googled Portia Nelson. She was brought up a mormon in Utah. So as long as it is read as autobiography I believe it is great poem but as a lesson it is problematic.

Firstly, even if you have a behaviour or distress that you genuinely don't want, avoiding the issue will bury it deeper into your psyche. You'll be able to walk down a new sidewalk but will eventually fall down a new hole.

The only solution is acceptance and kindness to yourself (a ladder). Without punishment you can allow the shadow self to feel safe enough to emerge and understand the deeper issues (the torch) that trigger the behaviour or distress.

Secondly, it is often society itself that is dysfunctional. Much of the time (perhaps most of the time) people are suffering mental distress not because they need to change behaviour but because society needs to change. This is where the poem if read as a parable is most problematic. Imagine reading this as a religious guy in Utah who discovers he is gay.

Stage

I) The guy is seduced by another guy, which despite the pleasure causes him to feel suicidal.
2) The guy goes to a gay bar with the intention of just having a drink and is seduced again.
3) The guy cruises every Saturday night yet feels overwhelming anxiety at Church the next day.
4) As a compromise, the guy becomes a "non-practicing" gay. He acknowledges his desire but refuses sex.
5) The guy has "therapy" to correct his behaviour, gets married and has children.

That is why the word "fault" is troubling, because it indicates unquestioning judgment. If you have an overwhelming desire to go down a hole then it is reasonable to question why it is so wrong to go down it. Surely the best thing is to go down, see what is down there, see if you like it, accept it if you do and have an exit strategy if you don't. If you have conviction then the existential crisis will disappear.

On a similar note, there was an interesting author on Newsnight recently, Barbara Ehrenreich, who has written a book called "Smile or Die". It is the way people are individually blamed for things that can't possibly be their fault. She suffered from cancer and was told "positive thinking" would help save her, which passes blame on to her if she died, because she wasn't being positive enough. She points out that there are many social and environmental factors that effect health.

BBC News - Newsnight - Author Barbara Ehrenreich lambasts 'positive thinking'

[stresspuppy]

Ghost of Mr Bob you?ve very capably demonstrated the importance of considering context in interpreting writings and the folly of believing in certain absolutes that neglect any active individual engagement in questioning and discovering our own truths for ourselves.

Perhaps I should have been more explicit about the purpose of posting the poem; my questioning of the attribution of ?fault? in the poem implies not to necessarily take things at face value. Intent does not always readily translate and our dialogue regarding this poem proves as much! I naively neglected to research the authoress so if she intended it as a parable then that was her intention and my apologies if my intentions have not been clear.
 
In regards to depression, my interpretation of ?the hole?, my interpretation of the poem was of the experiences on a difficult journey and I felt the poem provided a sense of optimism due to the growing awareness of a pattern of behaviour and our abilities to change behaviour. As well as the poem portraying an individual ?autobiographical? journey I felt that many of us might readily relate to it during our own journey. I think others stories and autobiographies can be very useful learning tools. Although it is titled ?autobiographical? it doesn?t necessarily follow that we cannot take metaphorical meaning from it; quite often we can't help but do so when there is personal resonance with somebody else?s experience.

I feel that BAF operates to a certain degree at this level and therefore I enjoy sharing things that others might be able to access and relate to. I can never have the same experience as another member of the forum, we're just all so unique, but that doesn't prevent me from gaining from others stories.

As a parable?
I understand your interpretation of the poem being a parable and thanks for sharing it. Interpreted as a parable the poem can be seen as therefore providing lessons for life and you took us on an interesting journey with your clear example following the poem?s lead. You clearly demonstrate the difficulty when strictly applying rules/the lessons of parable in the poem to a specific situation (the ?shoulds? in our lives). You also raised the role of questioning, or rather the lack of it, when applied to judgements about ourselves and others.

As parables are used as a means of illustrating religious doctrines and teachings and if someone unquestionably believes these as absolutes then they will be ill-equipped to deal with situations that might cause any rightful questioning of those beliefs. I believe any attempt to strictly align ourselves to a set of absolutes truths when these are confounded by life experience is destined to inner conflict. I suppose this is often why different religious factions come about due to different interpretations of writings ? for example ascribing either to the absolute letter of the law or the spirit or implicit meaning interpreted from the wording.

I suppose in the words of Sir Douglas Bader (RAF fighter ace during the Second World War) ?Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.?


The need to question ?
The belief in absolutes can lead one down blind alley?s if we don?t question how we came to be there and how might we enable ourselves to find a more open vista (if that's what we want)?

I agree with your views that avoidance of questioning greatly requires the ladder of kindness to yourself and that often it?s not the individuals who experience distress that are fault. As society requires rules, and laws to uphold them, when we or others fall foul of these rules we gain perspective on how well served we are by these rules. As most of us know ?one size fit?s all? doesn?t stand up on examination, and healthy questioning individuals can feel great mental distress within a dysfunctional society.

Guess I?m a messy human and choose life as a ?pick ?n? mix? at times, I don?t think I strictly necessarily apply rules consistently - however when I think about anxiety/depression I can see how often we do apply rules to our lives (subconsciously and consciously) and how these cause distress.

I think we both agree about the need to be kind to ourselves but have come at it from different angles, you?ve taken a more strict application of rules in order to demonstrate potential folly and unkindness to ourselves whereas I?ve been taken more liberal (perhaps intuitive) approach from the outset in interpretation (hence my questioning of the need for the term ?fault? in the poem - a kinder word might be learning).

Think I?m happy with this as a reply, think it?s rounded ? it?s taken a while to put together, so thankyou for forcing me to use my brain cells although I think my brain is going to melt!!

Excellent ?Newsnight? clip, not watched it for a while - what a sensible lady!

Thanks for the feedback oh subversive one - It's been fun

[ghost of mr bob]

Great, I think that's us in agreement then, except, erm, maybe those bits we might not agree on?

I wouldn't say we always need to understand context in art and literature. I don't think you are naive for not researching the author because as you have said the poem offers you optimism as it is, and why not share that sense of optimism with others? It certainly isn't for me to pass judgement, so to speak, on what people share and how they should interpret things and I'm sorry that I gave that impression. I can sound forthright but I am very much that rabbit in a hole too.

However, equally, it is in the nature of forums to want to offer alternative views. I suppose the key here is alternate and opposite. I've definitely given the impression of the latter which is a shame. I agree we are coming from different angles.

How about this for an interpretation of our angles? You're thinking of people in or closer to crisis. In which case, needs are more immediate and therefore hope/optimism is a helping hand to get us through the night. I am thinking of a longer term path to wellbeing and an existential struggle, in which case fundamentals are more of an issue.

I seeing in this poem the line dividing behavourism and humanism. I see the poem as behaviourist. Another way of expressing it is rationalisation and love. They are not mutually exclusive but the order does matter. The poem is accepting, tolerant and forgiving but not embracing. The poem is rational. As you say the poem is about learning. But to truly love, to truly be kind, is to accept and embrace without reason, for the sake of love. By putting love before reason there is more chance of hurting but love will heal any wound.

Now, having said that, theory is easier than practice. In crisis I head for the safety of my head and not my heart. How about yourself? Damn our brains, damn them!!!

In terms of rules, there was a great documentary on the other night on Chaos Theory, called the secret life of chaos. It shows in the natural world, things are governed by a very small set of initial rules, that despite no random elements, result in chaos, which can be inherently wonderful, such as the way a tree and its leaves will grow or how cells form in a body.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00pv1c3/The_Secret_Life_of_Chaos/

[stresspuppy]

Happy the forum is a place to explore alternate views, think sometimes the written word can be a difficult medium in which to express ourselves entirely effectively  . As some of us may know in conversations the spoken word only communicates a relatively small percentage of the meaning in communication so it can be quite easy to gain the wrong impression so crossed wires are bound to occur and we're all allowed to have different views - 'I'm okay, your okay'. I've enjoy your postings and they stimulated me to clarify my point of view.