Taking a holiday from myself

[Geda]

I have heard this sentence in one movie "Terrible thing to live in fear"..and it just got stuck in my head....indeed terrible thing to live in fear...I get so tired of feeling anxious every day....every single day...day after day after day...no break from it...no escape...
I remember it was around year and half ago...I have learned this new coping trick (which didn't last long) and I have experienced 4 full days without anxiety...It was magical...it was the best holiday ever...for 4 days I took a holiday from myself, for being me, from my anxiety.....don't you just feel sometimes that you can't go on like this anymore?...that this anxiety is killing you slowly ?...killing slowly who you really are and taking over your personality so at the end you don't even know who you are anymore ?....I just want to take a way one ticket from myself and leave and never come back.......taking a holiday from me forever.......

[stresspuppy]

Hi Geda,

To live in fear is excruciating and at times feels like your being pulled apart, think the cyclical and self-perpetuating nature of anxiety is so draining that it also has terrible impact on confidence, self-esteem and the sense of who you are.

Fear is something we need to attempt to control in order to live our lives and when we're unable to do this it's so stifling it feels like who we are is ebbing away - fading and dying!

I think the idea of taking a holiday from our anxious selves is a really useful one - and I guess your saying when you did so you got back in touch with your 'authentic' self - the happier person you know you were and can be again. I think this is a very difficult balancing act - we can never get away fully from all the aspects of ourselves but often we need that holiday to re-engage with the other bits that we often forget we can also be. Perhaps you could try the same technique again or in a slightly different way? you take care and keep the faith in the fact that you were able to get back to being that unfearful soul X

[stresspuppy]

Hi Geda, sometimes we need to talk to someone and unfortunately this isn't a service the forum can currently offer. Your genuine distress might need a more immediate outlet and if you do need to talk to someone impartial perhaps the Samaritans or another organisation with phonelines may be a good place to turn. I just don't want you to feel alone - your really not - feels like it and that's really hard and just well try and gather some strength from somewhere and carry on. Take care X

[Noisy]

Hi Geda,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. I feel like I can empathise with what you're saying. I've been through long periods when I couldn't bear to think of how anxious I actually felt for fear that I would not be able to cope with the reality of my situation; I used to distract myself with anything I could just to pretend that I was 'normal'; It got me through the dark times.

After receiving some good counselling ( mostly CBT based) I feel that I've made some progress. I agree with Stresspuppy that talking things through can be very helpful. When I was at my worst I refused to phone the Samaritans but, as I look back, I really wish that I had.

Have you investigated the availability of counselling or other treatment? In my experience, anxiety is very closely connected with our perceptions of the situations that we're in and I found that talking things through really helped me to change.

Best wishes,
Martin.

[Capricorn]

Hi Geda I  totally understand how you feel. I am at a place where I feel I cannot bear the torment in my head anymore. Like you say it's everyday. I stayed in bed all day today just to escape but then when I got up I battered myself for being a lazy woman, it never stops.

I am having a hip replacement in April so won't be able to start my therapy until recovery around June, it seems ages away. I think all we can do is just take it day at a time and reach out to as many caring and supportive people as possible. I know this isn't always easy because you feel like you can't keep burdening people. Do you have supportive friends or family?

I haven't even been able to face our weekly meetings which is crazy because everyone is so lovely and they understand. It's so true what you say about not even knowing who you are anymore, even though we all have different facets of our personality, the anxiety and fear take away any joyful, fun parts. It freezes the ability to live properly. I am thinking of you Geda.....Eli x

[Geda]

Thank you very much everyone for being so nice and understanding...I know you are all fighting your own demons and it's not easy for you either...love Geda

[stresspuppy]

Your very welcome - that's after all why we're all here 

[Geda]

Stresspuppy, aren't you the cutiest ? Thank you very much again for your kind words..