Today we had a workshop at work. I've spent a week organising today and now its all over. I just want to muse on a few things...
So minimal anxiety - few nervous poos and some dry heaves in the am & sleepless night (thought tagging and distraction - by singing nursery ryhmes in my head- helped). As soon as I got in the car for the lift to the venue I felt fine with zero anxiety.
What surprised me is how......I don't even know what the sentance I'm looking for is....just now awkward I felt??? I am prepared for anxiety, I have all kinds of techniques for that. Awkwardness is a new one to me. I felt clumsy and in the way and embarrassed just by my presence. It was full of senior staff and the day comprised of small meetings to discuss varying themes - I contributed nothing, NOTHING. I sat in silence feeling embarrassed and stupid. I kept going red and making excuses to leave the room. I feel in some ways I've let myself down but am pleased at least I wasnt anxious! I think this is all mainly cos I'm due on and that makes me overly sensitive so I will probably feel differently about it all tomorrow.
Anyway the positives:
1) I used my techniques and had very few anxiety symptoms
2) The day went well from an organisers point of view and all eventualities were covered for. I even got a mention at the end for the good work I'd done in preparing for the event.
3) I didn't leave even when I felt massively awkward! I stayed and can feel greatful that I've made it in one piece!
