Hi everyone
This is a first for me and feels a bit odd writing to unseen faces.
My ex bf goes to college with a guy who spoke about this website and he's seen the pain I go thro everyday so phoned me first thing to tell me about it! - bless him.
I suffer from panic attacks which have given me major avoidance issues. I have been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (1998) and usually have to put up with an upset stomach. Because of this I've had occasions where I've not gone out for fear of not being able to get to a toilet when I need to (which is usually immediate), as time has gone on it has got worse and worse and worse to a point a few years ago where I became agrophobic
. At that time I was going out with a lovely lovely man who was everything I could have wanted, however he cld not fix me and thought it best to leave me which he thought would then force me to sort myself out, it didn't, I then tried to kill myself
(oh just before I met this guy my dad died, Feb 02).
Since him I decided that I could not be with anyone as they would never understand me, would never be patient and quiet frankly I didn't think I could ever explain myself as it was all rather taboo and embarrassing.
Then my mum died (Dec 08), she was very quickly diagnosed with lung cancer which had already spread too far. So I sat with her every day for 8 weeks until she died. After she died I had to deal with her est, solicitors, estate agents, funeral directors, vicar all alone, my brother being far too busy with his wife and kids (am now crying writing this), but what it did was something incredible.
I WILL NOT let life rule me, I rule my own life.
I still have very very bad days and this website I'm sure will help me, however I wanted to inspire people to know that things can change and you can be the one to change them.
I am chief bridesmaid tom for my best friend, I cannot describe how petrified I am, but I'm doing it, come hell or high water I'm gonna be there for her and for me, I can and i will
