Awkwardness

[Ludo]

A chance remark not even directed me has got my supersensitive angsty self pondering (a part of me I know I should ignore). One of my worries that fuels my SA and my inner people pleasing perfectionist side, is that because I feel quite socially unsophisticated in many ways, and when I finally find myself in particular situations that I associate with "socially normal folk" i.e: pubs, clubs, generally cool places, I self scrutinise myself to such a degree I worry I give off a vibe of such awkwardness, that those around me then start feeling uncomfortable or ill at ease.

All these feelings are probably more self-created and irrational more than anything, but they have the effect of making me feel that I need to avoid and remove myself from said situations, because at least alone I don't have to consider making other people feel awkward. On my own I'm more relaxed and am tolerant of my own eccentricities. Maybe I fear the lack of control and hard work that I associate with being sociable. But I wish I could feel truly relaxed and "myself" around others, I'm prepared to work on this for a more satisfying existence, it's just I'm still very ambivalent about these things. Does anybody else relate to this?

[stresspuppy]

Hi Ludo, the introspective tendency, predisposition to sensitivity and perfectionism seem to be very a common set of characteristics of those of us with anxiety. Wish I knew how to solve what we often perceive to be a problem - and yet perhaps the answer is in the question?

I find sometimes that I exhibit a rebellious side that says that what I am / who I am (the perceived problem) isn't wrong - just different to many others and also now having found this site I also recognise a commonality with many others. I think acceptance of who we are can take a very long time and the ambivalent feelings you have are also part of this. It's important to feel comfortable in the company we keep and therefore we should be rightfully choosy about what company we keep and where we keep that company. I think that socialising that we're comfortable with shouldn't feel so much like hard work but then I don't suffer with social anxiety so I'm probably not the best person to comment - but I will rant on 

Sounds as if there is a conflict between wanting comfortable society and the experiences you've had due to your anxieties. Sometimes perhaps we need to trust our anxieties and go with the flow, anxiety can after all can sometimes be a useful intuitive sense. I guess the trick we're all struggling to grasp is where is the line?
I feel that as I've got older, I'm less inclined to put myself into a situation that I suspect I'm not going to enjoy - why should I? many other people don't even give a second thought to what others might think. Okay maybe these people may not always be the best example but they know how to please themselves first and perhaps we can learn valuable lessons from that. I also look back at previous experiences of jumping through hoops to please other people and well I feel that this didn't always serve myself well but neither did my rebellious side. Again how to strike the balance -but do we need to always get it so right, so perfect and who will even notice and give us the praise and recognition for our perception of 'perfection'?

I guess what I'm saying is we should embrace all our differences and try not to judge others and especially ourselves. This does however seem to be somewhat the 'holy grail' of humanity and so I question why we should all continue to strive, beat ourselves up about our inevitable failure to be 'Perfect' - maybe we'd be much more happier if we could learn to take it all down a couple of gears?

Apologies if that was too long and ranty - been away for a wee while