student new to this..

[charliestudent]

Hi there.
my name is charlie, im a second yr female student at Brighton University. I have realised recently that i have been avoiding many social situations- especially ever going out with friends in groups bigger than about 4. I used to go to clubs and raves- but in the last year i have only gone out to these once or twice. weekly i make excuses to friends about how i cant go out, when really it is because i am too anxious about the situation. Even if there are lots of people in my house, i stick to my bedroom to avoid it!

I desperately need to meet more people, as my friendships, although good, are limited because i avoid socialising with them..i am confident in other situations - i have a good job, i volunteer, i go out to town and shops etc etc, just seems to be specific areas that i cant handle..

I know many people have worse situations that mine, i hope i dont come accross too negative.I am a good listener to anyone else if anyone wants a chat.
thanks
charlie

[Alexandra]

Hey there! It's ok to have things and situations which we find difficult. Hopefully we can help you to overcome your fears even if it's just a little You don't come across as being too negative at all, quite the opposite! Admitting you have a problem and actively doing something about it is a great thing

[Noisy]

Hi Charlie, Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story with us.

Have you ever considered talking about this with a counsellor at Uni? Also, if you feel like meeting with us, to talk about it, not talk about it, or just to see how you might cope being with a group that understands your anxiety, then we meet at least every Wednesday evening. 

[stresspuppy]

Hi Charliestudent, Welcome to the forum and no you don't come across as negative at all and it's a very positive move for you to actually go ahead and do something to help yourself by joining the forum. Sounds like your a good friend to others

I am a good listener to anyone else if anyone wants a chat.

and perhaps you might eventually be able to open up a bit more to your friends so that they can also offer you the support you'd like. The forum is a safe place to start learning a bit more about your anxieties with others who truly understand how it can affect our lives. Welcome once again and why not come along to a meet when you feel ready? 

[charliestudent]

thanks guys.
i have a counsellor, not based at the uni, and she is great. but hasnt had a huge affect really.in fact, in the time i have been seeing her although i have come to learn lot of things about myself, the social fears have increased.not sure why, as it is very helpful other than that.
i dont feel able to talk to my friends; they dont seem overly understanding really..i feel like i need friends who appreciate me and im not sure they do really..it makes me feel lonely realising that many of the friendships i have formed arent necessarily positive ones.

i would like to know a bit more about the group..i just need to meet some understanding people

thanks
charlie

[stresspuppy]

Hi CharlieStudent,

The following pages on the forum can give you some more information about the group.

If you go to the home page go to the section - Welcome to Brighton Anxiety Forum click on the text Site Announcements & suggestion box and the fourth section down Frequently Asked Questions about Brighton Anxiety Forum.

Also the section accessed from the home page - Support groups and other events then click on the Meetings and events text the second section down of Frequently Asked Questions about our meets can give you some info about our meets.

Hope that's useful.

[Dreaming]

hey Charlie, welcome to the group. hmm university friendships not being positive- yep i know all about that one! Made some great friends in the end tho, just wish i'd known at the time not to invest so much in the unhealthy ones!

welcome again to the board and look forward to speaking with you more!

[charliestudent]

  thanks for the info, i looked on the page..just on question..whats the youngest persons age who goes there? i am 21, would i be considered a young person in the group? it doesnt matter, i just like to get an idea of whether i will feel comfortabl- i mean, if its a mixed group with a large age range thats fab; but if i am the youngest by a long way i may feel awkward..i dunno!

thanks
charlie

[Ludo]

Heya Charlie!

I'm also quite new to going to meets, I've only been twice on the Wednesday evening, but from what I can see the age range is fairly broad (20's, 30's 40's I guess) and the vibe is very relaxed and welcoming, so at 21 I'm sure you wouldn't really be out of place. I'm in my 30's but get on with a broad range people from teens up to old age, I try to see the personality and not the number, and that seems to be the mentality of others within the group meet-ups.

I totally relate to your description of avoiding social situations, that is also a large part of my anxiety disorder, so I'm trying to learn how to manage it by going to the meets, it was quite difficult for me to take the plunge and go to the first one, but I'm so glad I did and so far it seems to be doing be the world of good!
It would be great to see you there if you feel up to coming along, it's a great way to meet likeminded non-judgmental peeps!

x

[Manu]

Hi Charlie,

After so many pieces of good advice you received from Alexandra and the others I don't think I have much more to say, just that you are not too young, insofar as you are an adult, and that the meet-ups are really helpfull and pleasant. This is my experience, I am 43 y.o. and used to suffer from SA as well (if it is your case). By the way guys and gals, where are you meeting up now? Last day I went to Moore's caf? (in Christmass) it was shut up!
Cheers,

Manu

[charliestudent]

thanks everyone; glad that that is the case. I think i will aim to come to one of the meetings to see how it is.
everyone on here as provided some positive advice indeed. It is very helpful to be aware that other people find themselves with similar difficulties..
I think that, through counselling and self analysis, i have learnt so much about myself, and one thing i have realised is that within my friendships and relationships I will be a good listener- and i will actively respond to what they have said.. Since i have realised that i do this all the time in social situations, and i rarely speak about myself- or not too much-, i have noticed how many of my friends dont listen to me- ever- or next to ever. I really feel that their conversations between one another are not conversations..but just two people talking about themselves.. since this realisation, my social phobia has got worse slightly- i think because i realise that my friends dont listen to me; and its not something that i can explain to them as i dont think they will see it how i see it... ahh this is such a ramble..
At the same time, it is great to talk about yourself- like i am now- and i love to listen..but i have realised i want to have a conversation with someone thats real.. so now i avoid all social situations which involve more than a few people, as i get so anxious about feeling rejected that i feel physically and emotionally ill.

it is such a complex thing to explain, and i am just writing this down as it is in my mind and needs to be projected!

thanks so much for everyones comments, and i wish everyone a lovely bank holiday monday

charlie

[Alexandra]

In response to wondering how old people are, I was worried about that too at first! The age range is broad but we're all the same really Personally I'm 24 but I act like I'm 13.

[Noisy]

......... By the way guys and gals, where are you meeting up now? Last day I went to Moore's caf? (in Christmass) it was shut up!
Cheers,

Manu

Hi Manu, I hope you're well.
We meet at Sanctuary Cafe in Hove now since 'More' is up for sale. As usual, details of every meet can be found here: http://brightonanxietyforum.com/baf/index.php/board,17.0.html

[Noisy]

Hi Charlie, As other have said, age isn't really an issue at the meets and depending on who's there there can often be a few people in their early 20's.

Everyone at the meets is very nice and it would be nice to meet you in person whenever you feel you'd like to put some faces to the names!