conference event today that went wrong and interview tomorrow that am stressing

[cyclegirl]

Hi guys

Hope you all ok.

I've got a job interview tomorrow (internal) and lots of people hoping I get the job. Pressure over last two weeks feels overhelming. Most people would be pleased with the support, but am feeling the expectations are pulling me down. Way to many cigarettes and beer, chest hurts...

Anyway, I went to a conference today with the three other applicants. Was nervous before going, knew it would be a challenge with lots of people, fancy environment and of course, the expectation of networking 

I couldn't speak to anyone, I felt really awkward and stilted. Didn't know what to say to anyone, wanted to run and hide. The really embarassing thing is running away at lunch time because I didn't expect to have a proper sit down meal, with servers and proper food! (my training experiences usually run to a few free sandwiches and orange juice)...I didn't know if I was supposed to pay for it or anything. What to do? So I left, walked off and had a wonder, bought myself a chocolate bar (even though i'd been hungry all morning) and stressed about how crap I am.

Afternoon was group working  - another major stressor I had been worrying about all day. More expectation of talking and thinking. Just can't do it - am so blocked up in my feeling of fear that I can think, never mind string sentences together. The irony is the conference was about 'breaking down barriers' lol.

Everything feels like such hard work and now its impacting on my interview tomorrow. The job I am going for requires that I network and attend meetings with bigwigs...this scares the **** out of me, even though, generally I think I'd do a good job and its in a field I feel really passionately about. I don't think anyone at work really knows how I feel and how difficult my anxiety can make things..and I'm not sure how to describe it because I feel full of contraditctions. I've considered seeing my GP because it affects lots of things but am not sure what they can really do and I feel like a bit of a fraud...like its not really important, or its a bit silly.

So, I guess I just need to de-stress on here and guess work out what to do...

Thanks for listening

a bit sorry for herself cycle girl x

[stresspuppy]

Hi Cyclegirl, sounds like your experiencing major performance and Social Anxiety - and others might also feel the same way? sounds like it's SO VERY important to you and all you can do is your best at the time. Perhaps it's an opportunity to also define your comfort zone. Pressure is crap - it's the random but always there ... well pressure, hide if you need to - I'm sure most people do in various ways.
Hear the important but seemingly silly - it is important and nothing silly about you being in touch with how you feel. In fact this is a well respected professional ability - the ability to reflect and learn from. It is very important and you are in no way silly have you thought about approaching occupational health for some support?

[cyclegirl]

Hi stresspuppy

Thanks for your comments. I had another major stress out this morning and nearly refused to go to my interview, was in such a state. It took me talking to four people to get me to calm down...and am forever grateful for their support and kindness.

I went to my GP this morning because I just can't continue to live like this. Its isolating and stops me doing things I want to do. GP made a referral to Hove Polyclinic. No idea what for! Am assuming some sort of counselling...don't you just love when they try and suggest to someone with anxiety, particularly social anxiety, they should do GROUP therapy  Anyway, will see what comes of it.

I did manage to make it though the interview, albeit very nervously..and have a new job yay..although something more to start getting anxious about 

thanks again