New person

[howthelightgetsin]

Hi i'm Howthelightgetsin, I'm a 29yr old woman and suffer with some depression and anxiety(from various different relationship issues, bullying, health problems) plus another major health issue which worries me a lot as I'm at risk of lymphoma due to clonality of my t cells(yep I took a long time to fully understand the lingo now wish I didn't...) I may never get it but knowing your body 'might' is odd, maybe I wish I didn't know?  I found all this out after getting glandular fever bad back in 2006, this messed up my career, had to move home... I feel like I want my life back. Now I'm doing a course here but that finishes soon and I'm scared as I've been helped financially recently but as I get tired and ache with my health and anxious in certain situations I'm quite scared of going into certain work situations.  I get hot too easily, when I'm on my own I can go somewhere cool and deal with it, not at work then people label you things - which just makes life worse... other people eh, I prefer dogs at times lol.  

I love music, addicted to all kinds of good music. My favourite artist is Leonard Cohen, who I had the good fortune to meet a couple of years ago. I love photography and have done music photography(how I met Len)

I have a lot going for me but find myself not enthusiastic about much at the moment(currently in PJs sat on bed, not eaten anything today, curtains drawn) I think a lot and wish my brain had a standby option lol. I find that although I'm good at giving advice to friends, theirs doesn't help me - at times I don't even tell them my problems as feel some wouldn't understand. I'm friendly, caring and here to chat to anyone

[ghost of mr bob]

Welcome to the forum howthelightgetsin.

Sounds like you have plenty of worries to be anxious and depressed about and yet there is a warming sound of hope that shines through in your post.

I think I understand about what you was saying about feeling odd in that your body may or may not develop lymphoma. My sister is currently having chemotherapy and she was saying how odd she felt before because the cancer had been removed and hadn't spread and she felt really physically healthy but she knew she had to go through with chemotherapy as otherwise there was always a risk of it spreading

[howthelightgetsin]

Thanks and best wishes to your sister bless her.  See mine may never get that far but then it might... I'm waiting to hear back on some blood tests right now and frankly don't want to check my post in the mornings.

I'm actually going to go to my singing group tonight, sometimes its the only thing that cheers me up all week.

[stresspuppy]

Welcome to the forum Howthelightgetsin, I agree with GOMrBOB about the warming sound of hope in your post and perhaps even your post name? Great your keeping up with your singing - I believe it really is such a soulful activity and I agree with you about dogs (or even any animal) being preferable to human company. Apart from BAFers that is - we're generally quite a good bunch and some people find the meets useful.

It's a bummer that the health thing is out of your control and it's such a key part of how we feel about ourselves so I'm not going to patronise you with any absolutes - but you do sound like a fighter! just try and keep the focus on outside positives and try not to second-guess what you can't reasonably control.

Thanks for your posts, the forum gets a wee bit quiet sometimes so new energetic members are always welcome 

[howthelightgetsin]

thanks stresspuppy for your kind words

[Ludo]

Hey Howthelightgetsin, welcome to BAF. So glad that you found your way here, it's a really friendly place with a bunch of really understanding and caring peeps so feel free to share about anything.
I relate to a number of things that you mentioned in your intro, especially about the anxiety around the work environment. It sounds like you've achieved an awful lot by undertaking a college course in spite of all of your health concerns, and that you still take a great pleasure in your many creative interests.

I have to add that I'm also a music freak and I'm well impressed by the fact that you've met the legend that is Mr. Leonard Cohen! That must of been quite a moment. Great user name Lenny reference btw. Along with Bob Dylan, Lenny is probably one of my favourite lyricists, I love the dark humour and poignancy and wisdom of his words. His outlook on life is also pretty cool.

Take care, and welcome again to this group, would be great to see you at one of the meets if you feel up to coming along sometime.

L

x
ps
My facebook is linked on my user profile, feel free to add me.