Hi all,
I had a call on Monday from a relative I've not seen or spoken to for about 18 years saying she was coming to Brighton and would like to meet up this weekend. I have been crapping it all week about meeting up with her, she was abusive to me in the past and I hadn't realised until faced with the prospect of meeting her again how much what happened all those years ago has had.
I wanted to meet her as an adult not as a child. I wanted her to acknowledge what she did and to accept responsibility. In the end we didn't reference the past at all but I don't feel like I need her to answer my questions. I expected the meeting to be something I had to endure, I was totally not expecting to actually enjoy her company or to forgive so easily! She has been through some pretty tough life changes the past few years and I can see how much these have changed her attitude/behaviour. I can't forget what she did but I totally understand that its all in the past now and it does't have to have any relevance if I don't want it to.
During the meeting I began to feel anxious, instead of excusing myself and taking myself off to do some breathing- which I normally do, I decided to ride it out and talk through the anxiety. I have no idea what I said in that time but it really worked and I've learnt that even when I'm anxious I can still function. Next time I find myself in an anxiety provoking situation I'm going to try and "talk through it" again rather than excusing myself.
3 positive things from the meeting
1) I learnt a new technique for dealing with my anxiety
2) I can have a realtionship with my relative again
3) I faced an anxious situation head on again and had a degree of success
No need to reply or even read- just want to be able to read back next time I have to do something I'm feeling axious about.
