disconcerted by rather large blue eyes and a roomful of people

[cyclegirl]

Evening folks

Not been here for a while as have been busy chain smoking and drinking gallons of caffeine to keep at bay the 'challenge' of my new job. Don't you love the word 'challenge'...an alternative for what a croc of crap 

I digress. I have a new job which entails lots and lots of meetings with groups of people I don't know...oh horrors of horrors. I like the purpose of the job but not sure how i'm surviving the meetings. Well actually..it kinda goes something like this:

- sit at a chair, preferbly near the door for easy escape access
- Don't speak and if spoken to look blankly whilst sweating profusely
- Doodle
- Don't look anyone in the eye (bit like school when if the teacher asked a question, you NEVER looked them in the eye cos you just knew they would ask you the question)

Once meeting is over rush for cigarette and desperately try to remember what was discussed so you can tell your work colleague and sound like you know what was going on *eek*. So, bit of a stressor lol But on a serious note, I chose to go for this role because I knew it would take me outside my comfort zone and make me face those demons. It is HARD but the fact that i'm staying with it is a mammoth step and one am feeling pretty proud off.

So, ok not alot of fun for my friends who have to pick up the pieces after a bad day, but hey..they get beer out of it! (but god love them, they keep me going and very grateful for their support and kindness).

So, am just off loading and guess I'll be in and out to let off some steam now and then...so anyway, that was my first part of the day.

Second dilemma is meeting big blue eyes but a girls gotta have some secrets  i fear more anxiety to come...

Enjoy the evening and signing off


Cyclegirl

[Dreaming]

Huge congrats on the new job, and massive congrats for adventuring out of your comfort zone, that takes some guts so lots of repspect to you!

Can you take notes during meetings? That's what I do so I don't have that blind minute of **** what did they say about that? Also makes you look well informed and takes the pressure of you a bit. Sometimes I indulge in some 'pretend writing', 'ooh nooo you  can't ask me anything I'm busy wriiiiiiiiiting'!

What I've learnt is that everyone in these meetings doesn't care about what I'm doing, they aren't paying me the slightest bit of attention. They are all busy trying to fake it to make it too. I've found that people really dont notice my anxiety as much as I think they do.

Best of British with BBE!

[cyclegirl]

Hey

yeah, guess I can take notes but the other side of these meetings is that I don't care for them! I much rather do my job then spend hours talking about it, y'know? but do like the idea of pretend writing!

Think your spot on as well about everyone worrying about their own thing too...just too into my own world to really think about it, but i'm gonna try.

Anyway, I ventured out this evening with my old work colleagues who twisted my arm about going out for a 'leaving' drink (although technically not really left the company), was a little nervous but think they went out of their way to make it as comfortable and as accessible for me as possible...and it was.

I do a job that can make you very cynical about the world but am learning how incredibly thoughtful and kind people can be...and am finding trust come back come back into my life. Its a pretty awesome feeling...ok, admittedly its a few pints of cider later and who doesn't feel better after that...but am feeling 'safe'...

anyway, gotta sleep of the alcohol and another day tomorrow with whateva it brings (and strangely not feeling too sacred..)

Take it easy


a sleepy but satisfied

cyclegirl