Hey Liz, I'm so pleased that you are going to try and make this Wednesdays meet! Shall look forward to meeting you! And Cyclegirl, try not to beat yourself up if you decided not to come, maybe when the time is truly right for you you will find the inner strength to take that first step. Be assured that when you do though you will receive a really warm welcome from all!
I understand the fear about everyone already knowing everyone else etc, this is maybe the avoidance trying to talk you out of coming? I still occasionally listen to my inner negative anxious self and get sidetracked from doing the things that I want to do, but everyday in some small (very small haha) way I try to challenge that deceptive voice. It's not easy though, and if I don't meet a social challenge that I set myself I can still get incredibly down and start magnifying my failings as I see them, and comparing myself to what I perceive to be other peoples easy "normality" and ability to socialise without fear. I've had one of those days today actually. Sometimes I feel ambivalent and torn between the confidence of the fact that I'm often comfortable with my own company and rather independent, and other times I become prone to self doubt, and question whether this "independence" is always a choice, and then comes the worry about my self image and what I'm projecting out into the world, and whether or not others "get me." It's all terribly self indulgent in someways, but this is an occasional inner anxiety that I live with, and actually the more I make myself do things, the more these anxieties are put in a degree of prospective, they've not disappeared, but I feel stronger and more able to question then, and tune them out.
It's an on-going process, and at times I wish this whole socialising business just came more easily to me so that I didn't have to think about it.
But don't feel down, think about the positive ways that you have helped yourself and faced your fears, you've got a job, you deal with people everyday even though it doesn't come easy to you, and you also post some really interesting and witty things on this message board, and give voice to fears that some people out there wouldn't have the confidence to post. You've already achieved loads, so maybe coming to a meet will happen when it happens, who knows it could be the next challenge?
Sorry to blather on!
Bye for now.
L
